The forehead-slap heard 'round the world

We don't have enough plates from North Dakota, I tell you. And as soon as I was thinking this thought, this lovely plate, SMART A (Smart Ass), arrived in my inbox from Ben B. Take it away, Ben!

Smart A... cause it's a smart car! The "actual size" sticker is also forehead-slapping stupid.

We must always remember, smart people don't always drive smart cars.

Do you have a Smart Car vanity plate to share? Send it our way!

Screaming Metal Deathtrap

I think I am going to stay with yesterday's theme of bad parking and bring you this next plate from Jenna Lee A, RIDE2DIE (Ride to die). She writes: Ride to Die; Can't park to live (see curb in lower left corner).
And isn't the phrase supposed to be "ride OR die?" As in, you're down for whatever, even if it kills you? To me RIDE2DIE just screams suicide vehicle. How pleasant.

I see you are playing stupid. It looks like you are winning.

Jerod P. pointed me over to a wonderful site called "Bad Parking" and look what little gem I found (photo credit to Ryan). Let's zoom in, shall we?

That says COMPACT, as in "a small and economical car." I'm pretty sure this monstrosity is the exact opposite. Just look at the size of this thing compared to the car behind it.

Dude, just because you have one, doesn't mean you need to act like one.

Specialist in Urinanalysis

John K. snapped PICUP MN. At first glance I see "Pickup Man," either referring to this man's love of trucks or the "art" of picking up women. Upon further staring, however, I see "Pick up men," which, you see, is probably the exact opposite of what this guy is trying to convey. Or how about:

Pee! I see you pee, man!

Did you get two CDs?

CDZ NUTS ("See deez nuts," or "See these nuts") is from an anonymous submitter. I had to go to the Urban Dictionary for this one but it seems this is a legit phrase, at least by urban dictionary standards. And I apologize for the punctuation. It seems as though anyone can edit the UB as they see fit:

A joke that originated from the song "Deeez Nuuuts" on Dr. Dre's original album "The Chronic", released in 1992. Since then, the phrase has mutated into "deez nutz..." The game works as following: you ask someone a question, and if the response is "What?", "Who?", "Huh?" or anything starting starting with one of the 5 "W's", you're free to get that person with "DEEEEEZ NUUUUUTZ!!!". Works best when done loudly in quiet public places such as a lecture hall, church, or a line at the bank.

Boys are so weird. I wonder if they have an accessory on their car similar to this?

I'm sorry officer; I thought you wanted to race.

Alison B. sent in N A RUSH (In a rush). She writes: Here I am Mr. Police Officer!!! Come and get me!!!

Exactly. You might get some laughs from drivers who think this kind of thing is funny, but we think you are just going to wind up with more speeding tickets. So good luck with that.

MooseNuggette sent in YSOSLO (Why so slow?). She offers the perfect answer to this question: It’s the skinny pedal on the right!

So I think today's lesson in vanity is an important one: Do you like to pay speeding fines? Get a vanity plate. Problem solved.

Oh yes we did.

Sarah K. sent in MOM GINA. Not to be confused with a mangina, we are talking about mothers here.

Wait, what?! OM$%#@G this is so GROSS! If your name is Gina, I'm sorry, you are officially prohibited from placing words in front of your name, especially on a vanity plate.

Plus, you should never talk about your momma like that. EvAR.

(Got a misinterpretation you want to share? Sent it our way!)

Well, I H9 you. That is H8 + 1.

YUH8TEN (Why you hatin'?) is from Katherine T. She writes: What I thought was funny about this was the license plate frame that says “retired US air force”. I just can’t imagine an older man who was in the military with a pimped out Mercedes having a plate like this. The two just don’t go together, but I guess I was wrong!

Why am I "h'eight'ten'"? Let me count the ways! This plate is all over the place: missing words, extra Ts, letters used to represent words, numbers used to represent letters. The plate-rage is strong with this one.

U 8H I was sent in by MooseNuggette (not to be confused with moose knuckles!). I guess this is supposed to be one of those look-in-your-rear-view-mirror kind of plates, because then it would read: I H8 U (I hate you). Kudos if this is actually mounted to the front of your vehicle, but I am pretty sure it has to be displayed on the back as well. YOU EIGHTH I just doesn't have the same effect now, does it?

We're going streaking!

FLASHER is from John K. According to wikipedia, a "flasher" is: A person who displays his or her body in a form of indecent exposure (flashing genitals, breasts, buttocks, etc.) Although I guess they could also just be really into turn signals.

Uh, sir, your epidermis is showing.

Jesus loves you, but everyone else thinks you're an...

I'd like to thank LadyStyx for sending me this plate she found via the FAIL blog. Why yes, that does read, BUTTHOLE.

More parking available in the rear.

Mr. Creepy McCreeperson

Correy sent us GR8D8B8. Yes, this says, "Great Date Bait." According to the Urban Dictionary, Date Bait is: any material object or event that entices the opposite sex to seek interest in reuniting with a person at a later date. Correy writes:

I saw this plate the other day. No offense to other SE-R owners that might be reading this but Nissan's have no soul! As a chick, I'm not impressed!

Yeah, as a chick myself, nothing tops my list of desires more than a Nissan, a vanity plate, a tailpipe I can stick my head into.

Now, I'm going to make this scrapbooking pencil disappear.

Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-NA-NA! It's the BATMBIL (Batmobile) from Jess:

I saw this plate at my local Michael's (the arts and crafts store). Who knew that Batman was so crafty? I wonder if he and Robin were planning an exciting evening of scrap booking and decoupage?

I was surprised he drives a BMW. However, it's better than a silver Volvo any day.

Most Creative Vanity Plate Award 2010

You know I usually give my most creative awards to Jeeps, but this driver has made the cut this year: CAR. Plate was snapped by John K.

Also, this just in:
VEHICLE is from Grace M. She wrote exactly what I was thinking: No, no really?

But wait! There's even more.

Do I really want to be a macho man?

ELMACHO (El macho) is from Tim B. "Macho," from the Spanish word "machismo," is prominently exhibited or excessive masculinity;

Prominently exhibited, excessively swinging balls, for example.

Okay, we get it. Now we are going to pull over to barf in a trashcan.

Winnie the Poop

ILKPOOH is from John K. I understand that that this driver might be a fan of Winnie the Pooh, but just say this plate out loud to yourself. Yeah, they like poo. Or better yet, they lick poo. And if they don't lick poo? Well that still leaves the possibility of this driver licking a children's story character.

Oh but wait! There's more!
POOHNUT comes to us from Amanda. I'm am just NUTS about feces! Or maybe this is just a descriptive term for already digested nuts?

The possibilities are endless.

She's got more crabs than a Red Lobster

Nice parking job! Let's zoom on that plate a little, shall we?

Great. Now I can personalize my comment: Nice parking job, FLOOZI. According to Mariam-Webster, a floozy is a usually young woman of loose morals.

Amanda C. writes: Yeah, at first I figured some high-maintenance women drove this car. But then, a high-maintenance MAN walks over from the adjacent Qdoba and gets in. Then jumps the curb on the way out of the parking lot. All around classy.

I love it. Some people will do anything for a burrito.

Where does a woodsman keep his pigs? In his hog cabin!

Patricia B. sent us this HOGASM. She writes:

When I saw this plate, it made me almost barfgasm. Also, depending on the spacing of the letters in your mind... I mean, dang, when did the Kentucky DOT hire someone from Virginia to check the license plates??

Oooh Virginia burn! And yes, I think this is the combination of "hog" and, well, you get the picture, don't you?

Is that some sort of handshake?

Jasmine sent in today's plate: KAMLTOW. She writes: All the VA plates are starting to embarrass me. I saw this in front of an art gallery by the ODU campus. Very classy? I think so.

I asked an older co-worker what she thought this meant and her response was this: Camel Toe? Is that some sort of handshake?

No. Actually, Cameltoe is a slang term that refers to the outline of the female [hay-nanny-nanny] seen through tight clothes. Male organs showing through clothes at the crotch may be called moose knuckle.

Moose knuckle?! Ha! You learn something new everyday. Thanks, Wikipedia!

I brake for NOTHING!

Tim sent in KYLNSHT. I'm pretty sure this is a Jeep (that he owns?), and, surprisingly, it has a plate that doesn't reference the fact that it's a Jeep. Does that say Killin' Sh*t?! I mean I've stared at this for about an hour and that's all I am coming up with. I'm impressed this got past the rigorous screeners at the South Carolina DMV. I also have a Facebook group you might be interested in, Timothy.

Our other South Carolina catches leave something to be desired.

I'm on my way to Georgia. Looking for a soul to steal.

Allen took today's photo of "ATAN." He writes:

Took this picture a few years ago. Not the best quality as it was taken from the car. It takes advantage of a Michigan State University license plate.

It certainly does. Now, instead of showing their love of the Spartans, this driver's plate reads: SATAN. Great, you are the devil. How pleasant.

More Satan plates here, if you are into that sort of thing.

Warning: Gas (For the next 100 miles)

Today's fresh, new, horrible license plate came from someone who didn't sign their name to their email (so if you took this photo, let me know) **EDIT: It's from Tim B!** STINKY, as in, you smell bad. In my mind, I imagine this is the Colorado DMV trying to play a trick on a gullible driver:

DMV Employee: Sir, I assure you. This is a randomized plate.
Man: Are you sure? I think that says "stinky."
DMV Employee: I'm not sure what you are talking about. The computer chooses the plates.
Man: *sigh* Whatever. [walks away with plate in hand]
DMV employee [whispers to himself]: I can't believe that actually worked. You are a god.