You're Funny... Looking

Really? What kind of pompous jerk gets a plate that says UR UGLY on it?

This guy, apparently.

Who else wants to see him collide with this one? My response to both of these plates was an involuntary rolling of my eyes to the back of my skull.

Photo Credits:

Picture 1: Kati M.

Picture 2: Jen H.

Thanks ladies.

If I Were An Enzyme I Would Be DNA Helicase So I Could Unzip Your Genes

Alright you nerds, get your thinking caps on. The first comes from Squidrox who writes:

...woman, man, um....2 girls? Hermaphrodite? Some bizarre math equation? A cryptic message like the numbers from "Lost"? If I have to think about it this hard, it's horrible

I think these people were going for your first guess of, "Man. Woman. 2 Girls." And for those of you completely confused, XX is a female (two X chromosomes) and XY is a male (one X and one Y chromosome). Although I've been typing that code into my computer here in the hatch for the past couple of hours, you know, to make the beeping stop.

Get it? 2 HELIX... Double helix... Jen H. also has a good story:

Spotted in my grocery store parking lot last night, after I had packed up my groceries, started my car, and started backing out of my parking spot. The incredibly geeky side of me had me almost doubled over in fits of giggles so I proceeded to pull back in to my parking spot and get out to take a picture of the lovely double helix.

Nerd-alert.

Honk If You're Hungry

Sometimes your emails crack me up more than the plate submissions do. Here is one from Amy over at Baking and Mistaking:

I was on my way home from work tonight, late and quite a bit peckish (though if we're being truthful I'd been snacking all day) when I came across this plate. I'd thought I was quite hungry, but clearly I had some competition. In deference to the plate's concern I acquiesced and left my granola bar on the hood of the car. Just kidding - I would never part with my granola bar. It's for EMERGENCIES.

I agree Amy, and after reading your yummy website I am starving. I can kind of understand where this driver is coming from, but to go and get a vanity plate with the word RAVENOUS on it? Kind of extreme.

This driver can have my granola bar, but she'll have to pry it out of my cold, dead hands.

How To Settle 98% Of Arguments

I must admit. I am a Googler. When you run a website about trying to decipher the world's whacked-out mystery license plate messages, Google becomes your best friend. Your best friend who knows everything, like what a melonhead is, for example. Or where to find videos of cats gnawing on corn cobs.

A vanity plate with the phrase "GOOGL IT" on it though? Really? How much are they paying you?

Here is a list of some of the humorous things people have typed into Google that have led them to our site. Enjoy:

-nice booty look good*
-creepiness
-"it's just a catfish"
-bag of rocks
-dont spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting - what does it mean
-i just want to be loved is that so wrong
-mind constantly in gutter
-funny bumper stickers, license plates, gynecology

Uhhh? Gynecology?

Thanks goes to Heidi, who snatched this picture from a friend.

*I'm almost positive they were disappointed.

I'd Rather You Not

I am going to assume that this driver was going for "cheerleader" and is not the leader of a group of Cher look-a-likes. An extra E would have cleared that up, but I am going to guess that only 7 characters are allowed on a Georgia license plate.

Also, do you see this license plate holder? It says, "I'D RATHER BE TOPLESS." Full disclosure, this was a red convertible (and the back window had some pink Greek sorority letters on it). But talk about being suggestive. My goodness! Where is this girl's momma? Maybe you should go with a bumper sticker that says, "Douche Bag Magnet."

Arlynn, this one is hilarious. Awesome work!

Most Wanted for the week of 1/25

Here are this week's Most Wanted via Twitter. You guys rock. Also, some of these are from a while back when I had no idea what this "@" thing was about. But now I know. Knowledge = Power.

merindab @LicensePlteBlah a tow truck driver friend told me about a plate" "N BYND" on, of course, an Infinity

MusicGrl @LicensePlteBlah Munster on NC plates

geminitwinsfyre @LicensePlteBlah snap'd a pic in november; pic's in bad condition but it said "sosume 7" on a decked out white hummer, they have issues

taylr @LicensePlteBlah i'm behind the plate "WWJBD." we think it's some butchering of "walk with jesus daily"... but what?

Sirwadelton @LicensePlteBlah PUPS4SLE and IBOOKEM

kbrobaseball @LicensePlteBlah I saw IAMB4U (I am before you). Good for her. She must be happy she gets to that traffic jam 1.5 seconds before I do.

So let me know what your fav of this bunch is. I am going to go with N BYND. Mostly, because it reminds me of this lame-o plate. Do you want in on the fun? Check us out on Twitter @LicensePlteBlah.

Being Knighted Just Got A Little Less Prestigious

So you have an odor problem that one might describe as "funky." You might also have been knighted. Hence, you became SIRFUNK. I can't even begin to imagine what the inside of this car smells like.

I know that funk in this case is probably not referring to the driver's scent (at least I hope not). He is probably referring to his mastery of the music genre.

Modern knighthoods, according to wikipedia, are typically awarded in recognition for services rendered to society: services which are not necessarily martial in nature. I would have to hear your music, but I doubt your service to society is getting you knighted. I mean, I could be wrong.

In my opinion, if anyone was to be knighted as SIRFUNK it would be James Brown. Just look at all the facial hair in this video. Prepare to get funkified.

James Brown came to me in a dream once. He told me that in order to groove and be mellow, you have to ditch the vanity plates, fellow. And then he did the mashed-potato.

Jen H., thanks for helping us get up offa that thing and dance until we feel better.

Lord, won’t you buy me a Mercedes Benz?

Is it supposed to be: Is God Real? God Is Real? God, For Real? Go Dr. Eal? Like a number of our Lovin' the Lord license plates, your message is quite confusing, but we are glad you included the Lord.

Thanks for the submission Sasha.

On a completely different note: I am in love with Twitter! When I started this site a couple of months ago I thought a Twitter account would be a nice way to remember the plates and psycho drivers that got away from me. And it is, but I also love seeing what everyone else tweets too, especially when they send me plates they've seen. So if you see a plate and your camera is just not quick enough, send it to me via Twitter, @LicensePlteBlah. I will add it to the "MOST WANTED" list. Happy plate hunting my dears.

This Plate Blows

Jamie writes to us:

I actually took this photo in the wal-mart shopping center near my home. It was great to see it parked, because I had been following this same vehicle previously and couldn’t get a picture of it.

Ah yes, vanity plate stalking. I do it frequently at my local Wal-Mart as well. Attention Wal-Mart shoppers. If you drive a black Lexus with the license plate LUNGS, your making me laugh uncontrollably.

If you look closely you will see that this is an Organ Donation Awareness plate. I think this humors me so much because this driver is very specific about what organ he is talking about. Wouldn't have GIVE or DON8 been sufficient? I guess he could have also been a recipient of a new pair. Who knows?

In my personal opinion, BREATHING RULES! If you didn't have lungs, or needed new ones, that would suck. So, I am kind of glad they have these Organ Donation Awareness plates.

Also, If you are in need of a LIVR, I know where to find one.

That'll Buff Out

This plate comes to us courtesy of April in Texas. I have to agree with her that this plate probably isn't referring to the driver's love for a certain type of dance:

Can you imagine seeing this coming up in your rear view mirror? I visualize the conversation going a little something like this:

driver: Wow - that car sure is coming up fast behind us. I hope they noticed I'm stopped at the red light. I'd hate for him to plow into my new car.

passenger: (turning to look out the back window) Ya- they are getting pretty clo - oh!!!!

*CRASH*

LUVTAP: [Exits car to examine damage] Dude, I barely hit your car. It was a love tap, if anything. I am a very affectionate driver as you can see by my vanity plate. I often give other cars a little love tap. It’s actually a complement. It’s like my way of saying, "Your car has a nice bumper."

Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting.

So your name is Judy, and you are a judge. Why would you ever want to associate yourself with this woman?
I don't know. Maybe your name isn't Judy? Maybe you just love who the Urban Dictionary defines as Satan's annoying little sister? I must admit though, I did get quite a laugh from these Judyisms:

Do you know when a gift becomes a loan? When the relationship is over. Have you ever heard that, sir? Well, neither have I. I just made it up. I'm going to put it on coffee mugs.

...Sir, the *table* didn't have three beers and then get up and move!

...Of course I'm right; I'm always right. I'm like a truth machine

Don't spit on my cupcake and tell me it's frosting.

Beauty fades but dumb is forever.


I wonder what she would think of I♥YRMOM?

Thanks for the plate Kolleen!

Your Mom Goes To College

I love your mom?! Ew, because that's not disturbing at all, Mr. Creepy McCreeperson.

What is wrong with people? And, are you seeing this license plate holder? It says, "Tell her I said hi, and I want my socks back."

Ladies? Who wants to take a ride with this guy? Anyone?

*crickets*

OH RLY? YA RLY. NO WAI.

OREALLY? That's exactly what I was thinking. Maybe this is the driver's response to WAY SEXY, HEVNSNT, or the SH1ZN1T? One question still remains in my mind though—Should we fight vanity with vanity? Personally, I would say no. I would have been the first in line to get my IMJDNU plate if that was the case. Also I had to post this plate so I could give a shout-out to my old friend the O RLY internet owl. Kolleen, thanks for sending this one in!

Yes, really.

E = MC (Hammer)

Interpretation: HAMRTM = Hammer Time

Stop! Hammer time! My-my-my-my music hits me so hard, makes me say, oh my lord. Thank you for blessing me, with a mind to rhyme and two hyped feet.

I am pretty sure Mr. Hammer doesn't live in Canada, but wouldn't that be great if this was his car? He would just idle at stop signs until the people behind him got out of their car to inquire what was wrong and he would point at the stop sign and shout, STOP! HAMMER TIME! And then cry into his poofy pants because the days of the typewriter dance are over?

I told you homeboy.

Thanks Jessica B!

This Lovin' The Lord Sunday Brought To You By Jesus

So, it's Sunday and everyone's favorite feature here on VP:CI8COL, Lovin' The Lord! This week I thought I would bring you a few JC plates since my "Jesus" folder was bursting at the seams. The first comes from Alison B. from Arizona. Points for the "BLESSED..." license plate holder, but I hear they are cracking down on that in your state now. That will be $135 please.

Yes, he does. I don't know if he's cool with your vanity plate though. This one came from LadyStyx who did an excellent job of incorporating some styx into her photo. I'd like to think she was in full platerazzi mode crouching behind this bush to capture this photo. We thank you for your dedication to the craft.

And finally we have a plate sent to us from Arylnn. IOJESUS = I owe Jesus. This one is confusing to me. Maybe they have a rich uncle in Mexico named Jesus? Certainly they aren't talking about JC, right?

Have a blessed week everyone!

Do What Now?

Jen in Utah sent us this plate. I had the same feelings as she did:

Whatcha thinking? Doing? I sat there forever hating this plate for not finishing its sentence.

Agreed.

Maybe they are a fan of Whatchamacallits? If so this is the most terrible license plate evAR. BLEH!

Or maybe they were going for whachamahuh? The Urban Dictionary defines whachamahuh as:

1. I'm out of it don't mind me; 2. I am out of it, fill me in on what just happened; 3. I am out of it and almost beyond recovery; 4. I am beyond recovery don't even bother to fill me back in.

Yeah, I am beyond recovery right about now.

She Is A Cute Little Kitty Who Goes MEOWPURRR

Ah, yes... reader e-mails. This one comes to us from Melissa:

I don't know if this is as funny to everyone else as it is to me, but the lady driving the car was probably in her late 70's... which, in my opinion, is way too old to have a stripper name like "Muffy".

Melissa, I went ahead and looked up the word Muffy in the Urban Dictionary for you and our readers, and this is what I found (These are just a few options. The rest of the definitions were just a little too racy to post here). If a word can be misinterpreted in so many ways, it's probably not a good option for a license plate, even if it is one's nickname.

1) A preppy female, quintessentialized at St. Lawrence University. The Muffy can be spotted with her Vera Bradley bag, coordinating accessories, and her upturned collar.
2) A male buffawoof.
3) Another word for a mouse
4) The foam part covering the ear piece on headphones. Most used when the part falls off the headphones.
5) Slang for vagina
6) She is a cute little kitty who goes MEOWPURRR
7) Drag queen
8) a fluffy puppy

I am going to go ahead and add #9 to the list: An impatient nurse.

The 97th Greatest Film Of All Time (really?)

Okay, I am going to be honest with you. I've never seen the Blade Runner movies, but this plate is really funny to me. Why? Well we all know how much an airbrushed decal enhances your vanity plate message—the shading, the shadowing of the script font, the way it races across your truck bed, that blob behind the word "Blade," pure genius. Plus, there is no Blade Runner 3. Oh that’s right. YOU are the Blade Runner 3. Silly me. Good luck hunting down and "retiring" escaped replicants on Earth. Nerd-alert.

Jason writes:

My wife and I saw this truck yesterday afternoon in San Mateo, CA. I've always enjoyed the Harrison Ford movie of the same name, but I wasn't aware that there were more parts of the story. Apparently, this is the 3rd part. Who knew?

I certainly didn't, but thanks for bringing it to our attention.

STELLAAA!

Rule number one was discussed previously. Rule number two is I usually do not post plates that have people's names on them, but this commentary from Heidi was just too funny to pass up.

She writes:

My husband and I have come up with a few interpretations of this plate:

1. This driver is a fan of both Nine Inch Nails and the American Automobile Association.
2. This driver's name is Nina and she is a devoted member of Alcoholics Anonymous.
3. When spoken to, she prefers that you say her name à la the Stanley Kowalski character's "Stellaaa!" in A Streetcar Named Desire: Ninaaa!
4. NINA was taken.

I think am going to go with AAA's biggest Nine Inch Nails fan. There is no way we'll make it to the show without this triptik.

The Dark Side... Of Vanity

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away but somehow in the future this nerd got a vanity plate for his shiny new podracer. Unfortunately, podracers aren't street legal so he settled for this plate on his F-150. And yes, I had to look up what a podracer was via Wookieepedia (Yes, I said Wookieepedia. I don't make this stuff up). I LOVE the fact that you used a 3 to replace a much needed E. Sigh. May the force bring you your E.

I could probably start a whole category of Star Wars plates, but frankly, I don't want to. The world (Er, galaxy?) does not need this sort of encouragement. Yes, I'm looking at you JEDI MOM.

Thanks PoetrySue!

Fail Blog

For everyone who is emailing us, we have seen DIVA GINA on the fail blog today. Thanks for sharing the link with us. Some people are really this dumb.

Not Responsible For Any Compressed, Bruised, Or Displaced Organs

Welcome to the first edition of Vanity Plate Matchmaker!

Bachelor #1 enjoys giving hugs, abbreviating words, merging at 38 MPH, and putting stupid messages on the back of his car.

Bachelor #2 loves using letters to represent affection and driving in the middle of two lanes completely sober.

Bachelor #3 enjoys long slow drives along the beach and ignoring the cars lined up behind him honking. He also frequently drives and texts, you know, so you never feel lonely.

Alright ladies, who do you choose?

All three of these plates came from different people, but they came skipping out of my inbox hand-in-hand. Get me out of this nightmare. Although, in some twisted way I want to see LVAHUG and GV HUGS touching bumpers affectionately.

LVAHUG snapped by FreedomFirst

GV HUGS via Chelsi C.

XOOX from platerazzo LadyStyx

Will It Ever End?

I'm still seeking an end to our Lovin' the Lord Sunday feature, but the plates are pouring in. Ask and you shall receive, eh? I guess it's good that this driver is putting SEEK HIM on his car, because he is probably doing a more efficient search on wheels than on foot.

Sarah W. gets the credit for this photo. Great work. You have been blessed with the talent of finding great plates. For that, we are thankful. Amen.

You Look Like I Need A Drink

Generally, I have rules here on VP:CI8COL. Rule number one is probably no hard-to-read, blurry, barely visible cell phone photos. The category in which this photo falls. Truthfully though, this is a horrible license plate in every sense of the phrase, so I had to bend the rules.

Jackie R. agrees with me on this one:

Saw this license plate on the way to a store with a friend of mine. I apologize for the bad quality, I took it with a sidekick which is all I had at the time. It says UGLY and it's a Rhode Island license plate. My friend and I joked - at least they have accepted themselves for who they are, and are willing to tell the rest of the world what they have come to terms with.

At least they have some modesty, unlike some former guests here.

At The Same Time

Okay when I first saw this plate I instantly thought of this scene from Office Space (and this plate too):

Peter Gibbons: What would you do if you had a million dollars?
Lawrence: I'll tell you what I'd do, man: two chicks at the same time, man.
Peter Gibbons: That's it? If you had a million dollars, you'd do two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Damn straight. I always wanted to do that, man. And I think if I were a millionaire I could hook that up, too; 'cause chicks dig dudes with money.
Peter Gibbons: Well, not all chicks.
Lawrence: Well, the type of chicks that'd double up on a dude like me do.
Peter Gibbons: Good point.
Lawrence: Well, what about you now? what would you do?
Peter Gibbons: Besides two chicks at the same time?
Lawrence: Well, yeah.
Peter Gibbons: Nothing.
Lawrence: Nothing, huh?
Peter Gibbons: I would relax... I would sit on my ass all day... I would do nothing.
Lawrence: Well, you don't need a million dollars to do nothing, man. Take a look at my cousin: he's broke, don't do [crap].

But the real story comes from Heidi, who sent this plate in:

Full disclosure: [this] one is actually my dad's plate. He and my stepmom grow organic produce as a hobby and got two chickens earlier this year. One of the original chickens has since disappeared, and a few more baby chicks (chix?) have been acquired. That's the true story of that plate, but I do wonder what other people think it means.

Not as funny as the Office Space scenario, but it's always nice to find the true meaning behind people's vanity plates. Most of you still remain a mystery.

My Other Vehicle Is A Faithful Steed

DRGN5LR = Dragon Slayer (that 5 is supposed to be an S)

I've got some questions for this driver. How does one become a dragon slayer in these modern times where the dragon is considered extinct (er... fictional)? Now that is a job that I think I would enjoy, assuming that I could work from home as an on-call slayer.

If anybody would like to go through the trouble of creating a hoax that leads people to believe that dragons are a significant danger it would be greatly appreciated. I am polishing up my dragon slaying resume right now and posting it on Monster (Get it? Monster? Hah-har?). Spread the word.

Thanks Squidrox. You rox.

My Good Half

Uh, could someone, like, tell me where the @*&^% the other half of my SUV went!?! I am kind of FREAKING OUT RIGHT NOW. Thank goodness I have this personalized plate to commemorate this day though. I never want to forget this. Also, I would like to endlessly annoy everyone around me.

Who knows what this driver is really thinking. Last I checked a Toyota Highlander was a whole-lotta-SUV. Maybe it could be have an SUV? Eh, it still sucks.

Much love to LadyStyx, once again, for her awesome submission!

I Heard You Paint Houses

Nikki, you hit the creepy nail right on the head with this one. From afar one probably doesn't notice that the "hits" (or lack there of... zing!) that this driver is referring to are probably those of the New York Yankees. I mean my first thought was take cover.

Nikki writes:
I snapped a picture of this plate in the parking lot of my local grocery store. I made sure to be stealthy about it, because I can't tell if the guy who drives this car is a music producer or mobster (and I don't wanna end up swimmin' with the fishes!). I live in the NY metro area, so the chances of this guy's occupation being one of those two options are pretty high...

Excellent stealthy work!

Red Pen, Inc. is Nikki's hilarious blog. We have the plate rage—she has the grammar rage. Yes, I made up the phrase "grammar rage," but I kind of like it. I read this blog daily, and it always gives me a good laugh. I just pray to God I don't have any misspellings in this post.

TMI

Lover is one of those words that you just shouldn't use to describe yourself in public. I mean when is this ever appropriate? "My love" is kind of endearing, but LUVER? Unless that is your last name, I am giving this the HLP Creeptastic Seal of Disapproval.

I instantly thought of this sketch with Christopher Walken, Rachel Dratch, Will Ferrell, and Ana Gasteyer on Saturday Night Live titled "Patio Lovers":

Virginia: Well, are you at the point in your relationship when you can walk hand-in-hand as lovers?
Catherine: I, um, guess so.
Walter: Actually, we haven't been seeing each other all that long.
Virginia: Oh, I see. So in due time, eh lover?
Roger: [as he rubs Virginia's arms] Yes, Virginia. I remember our first days of courtship as if it were yesterday. Eager drives to Holyoke. Passionate cries of love making muffle into a feather pillow in order to avoid waking your roommate Chin Le. [kisses Virginia]
Virginia: Oh, yes, yes. Fond memories, my lover prince.

Our thanks goes to April H. for sending this photo to us.

and JESUS was HIS NAME-O

Now see? Was that so hard? We now know who this driver is talking about. Unlike some of our former guests here on Loving the Lord Sunday, there is a clear message here. Sometimes a driver might have some difficulty with the 7 or 8 character restriction that is in place in most states, but not this one. Clearly, the sky is the limit with your personalized car decals. Will the madness ever stop!?

Great work Jen H.!

One whose IQ exceeds his weight

Nerd alert (a l33t nerd, no less)! The platerazzi who snapped this one writes to us:

This "nerd" doesn't know how to drive. Probably should read the driver's license test prep material at least once. First they cut me off... then slam on the brakes... and eventually after about 5 minutes make a left turn without ever indicating.

That's right. Get the plate rage out my dears. Thanks for the submission Karl M.!

Pepsi Elitist

This was one of those plates that downloads, and suddenly I go into a laughing fit. Amanda T. sent in this hilarious plate. So the big question here would be: Is this person (1) a Pepsi drinker, or (2) someone with a problem with what I like to call the booger sugar (or as some people still refer to it: cocaine)? I am kind of leaning towards the latter of the two, seeing as the vanity plate holder clearly states she is "just another skinny little ..." Uh, Amanda must have done some careful editing on the holder. If that wasn't enough, here is some icing for your vanity plate cake:

Also snapped by Amanda. Is there anything more annoying than those Calvins that pee on things? What even started this whole Calvin-pees-on-what-you-hate movement? I read a lot of those cartoons in my youth and I can't recall a time Calvin was going around disrespecting Chevrolet symbols with his urine.

Wait, there is something more annoying than peeing Calvins. They're called truck balls.

Resolutions

Here's a good New Year's Resolution, try not to be perpetually late. Sadly, this driver is oddly proud of the fact that they are, indeed, always late. Maybe this is some sort of excuse for excessive speed, but if I were a police officer, this would make me want to write you a ticket even more. The ticket would be for (a) excessive speed and (b) irritating the hell out of the world.

Kolleen, thanks for this photo.