And Then I Pooped a Motorcycle

I cropped this photo to get a better view of the plate, but for the record, this is plate was on a very large truck. Get it? Ate a car? File this under: COMPLETELY ANNOYING. I would be curious to see what else this driver is into eating. Children perhaps? A big thanks goes to Mr. HLP for supplying the photo and the title of this post.

Have a happy Halloween everyone! Steer clear of any creepsters eying your sedans.

Sounds Contagious

Interpretation: Shiznit. This is our first vanity plate coming from the state of Michigan, and it disturbs me. The DMV workers must not speak idiot there, because they let this one go right out the door. Although I can see how it is an easy mistake. My spell check keeps wanting to correcting this word to "Chianti."

The good people of HorribleLicensePlates agree that the driver of this vehicle is quite the opposite of the SH1ZN1T (which according to the Urban Dictionary means "...phenomenal, bi-atch!"). We like the fact that you used "1"s instead of "I"s, because you, like most vanity plate owners, have mastered the English language. Our thanks goes to Michelle and Andrew for sending in this photo. We think you're the cat's pajamas.

I Wish I Knew How to Quit You

Kati M sent this plate in, and I laughed so hard when I read her story. You'll see why. She writes:

..."Mr Bolt" is my dad's license plate. My dad sells fasteners for a living (screws, nuts, bolts, washers, etc.). His first personal email address was "screw2" and he didn't realize it sounded dirty until our pastor refused to email him there. Years later I met and married the son of a woman who works for the Illinois Secretary of State's office in a small town. My parents were thrilled at the concept of not having to wait in line for two hours (they live in the suburbs) to get anything done there, so they drove three hours to central Illinois to get vanity plates (I know, it makes so much sense). Now, under normal circumstances "MRBOLT" may not be a funny/weird license plate. That is, until the day a woman came running up to my dad in a parking lot and said, "We were trying to figure out what your license plate means. Is it Marlboro Light?" Why in the world would anyone get vanity plates for their favorite brand of cigarettes?!

Hilarious! At this point, however, it wouldn't surprise me to find that someone has proclaimed their favorite cigarette brand on their plate. Your father's plate makes perfect sense, but the fact that a random woman inquired about your father's potential love of Marlboro Lights proves that just about anything is possible when you are working with a vanity plate owner.

I Can Has Vanity Plate Pretteh Plz?

I really hate to admit this, but I kind of have some plate-envy here. This photo was snapped by the lovely Sara (plz to be giving credit n link wear deserved). I also really hate to admit that I regularly visit this site, and that, my internet friends, is where I learned to talk like an idiot.

Still, the plate is quite a nice one. This one goes out to all the polite drivers who wave to us to "go ahead" at a stop sign, let us change lanes, or use their turn signal appropriately. You passed up the opportunity to get plates like LRN2DRV or OMG MOVE, which is respectable. This plate is the kind of quick road-hug we need, and we appreciate that. One point for New Jersey. Make that eleben.

There really needs to be more lolspeak on the roads. Ya dig? KTHXBYE.

Comments (or lack thereof)

Sorry, commenting was screwy for a while there. I hope you can forgive me. I am new to this whole blogging thing. BUT commenting is back up now... so get on it.

Turn Your Steering Wheel and Cough

Someone inquired about truck balls last week, so this post is dedicated to you. Mr. HorribleLicensePlates and I were traveling last weekend when all of a sudden I caught a glimpse of this beauty. I started to shout: Get the CAMERA QUICK! Vanity plate! Wait a second. Are those TRUCK BALLS!? Muhuhehahahah TRUCK BALLS! I quickly swerved into their lane and Mr. HLP snapped this photo. Afterwords we both high-fived. The plate reads: 2 BOGUS. The decal reads: If It Has Spark Plugs, It's Not a Truck ! If You Want to Ride, Ride the White Horse.

And YES, those are truck balls, BLUE TRUCK BALLS. What has the world come to? Although, don't you like the way I captured their suspension in time in this photo? You're welcome.

Really? "Ride the White Horse"? After googling this phrase, we found this oddly humorous video featuring a lady using large everyday items, like a giant comb and over-sized microphone (warning: Men in whitey tighties doing Thriller-like dance moves). According to wikipedia it's a song about smack. WHY would you put this on your car? Probably the same reason behind why you bought truck balls. Who needs fuzzy dice anyways? 2 BOGUS indeed.

Or Go Home!

From the back of the Land Rover can I get an AMEN?! I think this plate is appropriate for a Sunday. I am really impressed with this plate simply for the fact that it has an exclaimation point on it. I didn't think that was allowed but who knows whats going on in North Carolina these days. Obviously, a lot of enthusiasm for the Lord! I am curious as to what other punctuation is acceptable for personalized plates. I encourage you to go out there and find some ampersands or a winking similie ;-). Extra points for dollar $ign$.

Photo courtesy of Lynne.

Unique New York

The irony in this plate is that the word "UNIQUE" was obviously taken, so this person had to settle with the word "UNEEK" (horribly spelled wrong). Which at first glance leaves me scratching my head, because you are in fact just trying to be like UNIQUE, you just weren't quick enough. So basically, what I am trying to say is, you lose at being unique. This one comes from Becky, whose blog I absolutely love. Go on over to Apostrophe Catastrophes and tell her who sent ya.

She writes:

I found a horrible license plate for you last night. The quality isn't that great since I took it with my camera phone when I was stopped at a red light. This guy passed me on the right on a one-lane road, which is almost as obnoxious as his license plate. When I saw the creative spelling of "unique," my first thought was, "Does that say 'eunuch'?" That could explain all the overcompensatory engine revving.

Ah yes, the over compensatory engine revving, a common characteristic of a vanity plate owner. Other signs include irratic lane changes, the slow-merge, vanity license plate frames, and what I like to call the Perpetual Turn Signal (turn signal on, but clearly not turning anywhere). This plate just stokes my plate-rage fire!

Spleen Fiend

Wait a second. I am pretty sure you need a liver to LIVE, not to mention DRIVE. Your message to the world is a good one. It's just not entirely clear. Don't you think it is a little risky proclaiming your views on organ donation on your license plate? If I needed a liver (or maybe a kidney, since you already gave your liver away), I might be swerving into your lane. This photo comes courtesy of Lynne, a former resident of the stellar state of North Carolina. Thanks Lynne! Any LIVRTAKRs out there?

On His Way to Run Over Some Democrats

This is our first plate from Kentucky. It reads: I WORK. The decal reads: I'm a REPUBLICAN because EVERYONE can't be on WELFARE. Now, I know everyone has got their panties in a wad about the upcoming election, and who is wrong and who is right, but can we all take a second to laugh at this? Come on! You needed a decal to explain your plate? Oh, the wonderful stupidity! Last I checked, EVERYONE wasn't on WELFARE, dude. Not only is this offensive—it’s wrong. Esh. Our thanks goes to Jamie for sending in this picture (photographer unknown). Personally, all I will say about this is I think Mr. I WORK has quite the ego-mobile. Also, I bet you are a HOOT at parties. I will leave the rest of the conclusions about this one to the commenters...

Fortunately... But Unfortunately...

This story and plate is sent in by Joyce in Texas. Thanks for sharing! (Story taken from her husband's blog http://lostfart.blogspot.com/2007/02/fortunately-but-unfortunately.html ):

All three of our sons had Mrs F as their first-grade teacher, a very proper lady whose straight spine and large hair were equally stiff. Each year, sometime during the spring semester, Mrs F religiously gives an assignment called “Fortunately ... but Unfortunately ...”. In this exercise Mrs F presents each child with a folded piece of 8.5x11-inch card stock with the word “Fortunately ...” written just beneath and on the outside of the fold. Opening the fold reveals the words, “but unfortunately ...”. The assignment for the child is to write two short sentences: one on the outside under the word “Fortunately ...”, and the other on the inside under the category “but unfortunately ...”.

I guess James, six years old at the time, got a little creative with his project. Joyce was called in to meet with Mrs. F while volunteering at school to show her what her son had created. Her husband continues:

Looking at the folded card stock Joyce reads:
Fortunately ... I have a BODM [bowel movement]

Opening the fold she reads: but unfortunately
...I FRTIID

Joyce adds: ...with a picture of said BODM, and little circles for the expressed air.

So in honor of their boy, and Mrs F, they got this plate. Well done indeed James! Hilarious story. To hear what happens to James next click on over to his dad's blog, The Last Fart of Blogging.

Best Blog of the Day!

For serious?! We won?! Holy carp! We are so excited about the award.

This couldn't be possible without everyone out there reading, commenting, sharing, and sending in plates. So this one is for you! We really enjoy sharing our plate-rage with the world, and glad other people like it too.

So from the bottom of our Cheese Wiz filled hearts. THANKS!

Peace,
Mr. and Ms. HorribleLicensePlates

Recently Rear-Ended by PNSTRUK

I got this little gem emailed to me from Nick in Virginia. I almost spit out my Krispie Kreme apple fritter when I saw this picture download. Hahahah does that really say VAG VAN?? The side reads: "Jack in the Box Day Care," but according to Nick, "... to make you feel better, [the driver of this van] isn't actually responsible the well being of children." Thank you for saving me from cleaning donut crud from my screen, Nick.


After reading the email, I asked Mr. HorribleLicensePlates what he thought this plate meant. His response was simply, “Maybe, he’s a traveling gynecologist.” He also warns: Ladies, always check for the proper credentials before getting inspected down there. No matter how convenient a traveling OB/GYN seems.


I bet the walls of this thing are covered in purple fur. Virginia, you never cease to amaze me. You and all your witty pervs.

Test

Test post.

Hands on 10 and 2

(source)

It's funny; I was just screaming this exact phrase at you when you crossed 4 lanes of traffic to make your exit. I will recoil my middle finger however because you are in Driver's Ed. Everyone has to learn sometime, but please, please stick to the city streets for now. Do they teach you how to customize your very own vanity license plate in Vermont’s Driver’s Ed as well? There seems to be a ton of plates coming to my inbox from the state of Vermont. My advice to you youngsters from VT: Remember kids, vowels are expendable when it comes to your very own license plate. ENUFSAID.

What the Hell are You Talking About License Plate Weekend Spectacular

19 4 EVER: Is it the age when you won Miss Wisconsin at the State Fair? Is it your kid's soccer jersey number? Is it how many times I want to knock you in the head (should-have-had-a-V8 style)? Is this the speed you merge onto the interstate at? You know, I don't even want to know. You leave me tired and confused (and I'm probably not the first one think that). FAIL.

I have nothing to say about this plate except I hate it. You lose so many points for not communicating what 19 you are talking about. I now declare this the "What the Hell are You Talking About License Plate Weekend Spectacular". Hmm, maybe we can do this every weekend and let the lovely people of the Internets decide what your one message to the world is. I've started to get a lot of plates now that make you tilt your head a little and say, "Whaa?", so this could be the solution for that. What do you think?

Someone done stoled my wheels.

Interpretation: What it do. I'll tell you what it don't: It doesn't make sense! This is the kind of plate that makes me want to start a blog called HORRIBLELICENSEPLATES.BLOGSPOT.COM so I can share my frustration with the world (*screams into pillow*). What it do?! Is that even a question? Your poor grammar reminds me of Cletus from the Simpson's who provided the title to this post. Cletus, this one's for you. Your one defining quality (and message to the world) is that you cannot form a sentence, but you can still drive this monstrosity of a car around (barely).

I Didn’t Spend 6 Years in Evil Medical School to Drive Around with a Normal License Plate

(source)

You are so evil. So evil, in fact, that you must cackle on your vanity plate. I actually think this one is great. It doesn't make me want to pull you over to arrest you for lameness (unlike some of the plates on this site, *ahem* see below). You get extra points because your plate looks like it's been chewed by a beast from the bowels of hell. I bet your car spits fire and uses kittens for fuel.


Now, the obligatory Dr. Evil quote: Guard! Begin the unnecessarily slow dipping mechanism!

What is it going to take to get some frickin' laser beams on this car!?

Hard work has a future. Laziness pays off now.

These plates came in courtesy of Danielle in Wisconsin. Thanks Danielle, your contributions are exactly what we are looking for here. Wisconsin is a freaking gold mine for this stuff. Keep 'em coming!

Here we have a proud slacker. Nothing wrong with that. The first step to continuing to be a worthless turd, is admitting that you're a worthless turd. The second step is displaying that very fact on your license plate misspelled. The "C" and the "E" were just too... much... effort. You get some points, SLAKR, for finding the motivation somewhere inside of you to actually mount your license plate on your vehicle, but you lose one point because you failed to remove your temporary plate from your back window.

I would like to see YESICN rear-end a NOICANT, just to see what happens. I predict an explosion of rainbows and unicorns. Your complete lack of reality is making you a bad (and annoying) driver.

How sweet it was to get these both in one email. FANTASTIC work.

Luke... hhhhh... I am Your Mother

What is with all the Star Wars plates in this state? Looks like this JEDI MOM just got back from battling some tie-fighters. Pew! Pew! Pew! You can guess there will be lots of little stormtroopers running around this Halloween, fulfilling their parents dreams of their little ones becoming Star Wars figurine collectors some day. We can dress the baby as Chewbacca! [insert my best back-of-the-throat-gurrgle Chewbacca howl here Waahhhhhohhhhh]. Beep! Beep! Here comes the nerd-mobile!

Do These Cargo Pockets Make My Thighs Look Fat?

Our first plate from Pennsylvania.

(source)

Hey bro, let's go get some Natty Ice and chill. What, brah!? You like Dave too? Like, I was so wasted last night. Bro-dawg, I totally banged that chick in #105. Dude, where did you get those Birkenstocks? I love how these clothes have, like, tears and wrinkles in them already! Sweeeet. I. AM. SO. PUMPED.

Way to go, broseph, you are the perfect type of person to own a vanity plate. Bro hug!

What are some of your favorite "bro" phrases?

Not on my watch

Ah, yes, I can actually interpret this one: Wastin' Time. I’m all about wasting time in some situations, but when I’m driving I’m trying to get somewhere… and I’m probably going to be late if you and your laissez-faire attitude are on the road. So do us all a favor and at least move your productivity-mobile out of my way. kthx.

Ugh. Why would you get this on your license plate? WHY? This one is going to be filed under COMPLETELY ANNOYING.

There is a quote by Demetri Martin that I like that I think could be applied to vanity plates as well (just replace "bumper stickers" with "custom license plates"):

A lot of people don’t like bumper stickers. I don’t mind bumper stickers. To me a bumper sticker is a shortcut. It’s like a little sign that says "Hey, let’s never hang out."

SHTY weekend

If it's brown, flush it down.Oh the bathroom of your dreams! I am just curious... Do they do any proof-reading when a person applies for a vanity plate? Obviously not. So please, go and apply for SHTMOBL so I can take a picture of you.

Tailgaters beware: Do not follow too close or the driver of this RV might unload.

Shite!

I know you chose this plate, Mr. Monte Carlo, because HOLYSHT was already taken. You can't see it in the photo, but there was a decal in his back window that said "stupid hurts". Yeah, it's also really hilarious.

I took this photo about a week ago and there was a man driving this car; so I know his name wasn't Holly Smith. Wisconsin is amazing because you would think you would have to go out and find this kind of material, but that is so wrong. It comes driving right up next to you. It cuts you off and then does 45 mph in the passing lane.

Holi are the people of this state and their delightful taste in vanity plates! Holi are the workers down at the DMV letting things like this go! Today you get the points on this one.

Because they are oh-so-tender

(source)

Now, this what a vanity plate should be! It's clever, disturbing, and uses the slogans on the template to promote cannibalism WITH CHILDREN. Fantastic. Another point for Virginia. I am glad this one slipped through the cracks at the DMV.

I think I would probably give this person a car-to-car air high-five.

Poker... I barely know her

Our first reader submission!




Brinn from Texas kindly sent in this plate. She was on her way to a zoo in Ohio and snapped this quick photo of Mr. TEX HLD M. I am thinking this was some kind of message from the universe to the Texans reading it: If there are baby deer at the zoo, hold them, and never let go.

(source)

Or this person really likes poker. What do you think?

No, it's Wednesday

Don't you ever wish you could just fall out of bed in the morning and break both your legs so you could take a sick day? (via Overheard in the Office).

I feel ya dog.

Arrrg.

UPDATE: We are back up. Stay tuned for more plates. Weeeeee.

I assure you, this blog is NOT spam. I guess some magical spam detecting robots down at Google flagged us for some reason?? Blogger says it will be two business days and I will be back in business. In the meantime we are collecting some wonderful (hideous!) plates here. See you soon.

Note I got from Blogger: We find spam by using an automated classifier. Automatic spam detection is inherently fuzzy, and occasionally a blog like yours is flagged incorrectly. We sincerely apologize for this error. By using this kind of system, however, we can dedicate more storage, bandwidth, and engineering resources to bloggers like you instead of to spammers.

NRDALRT

Today's plate comes once again from the Vanity Plate Capitol of the World, Wisconsin.

Interpretation: Hey world, my one defining qauilty is that I am a really big nerd. Luke, hhhhhhh, I am a bad driver, hhhhhhhhhh





May the force run you off the road.

DEATH RO (now get out of my lane, please)

This gem was snapped by me after work one day. I was almost afraid to get this picture because I thought the driver of the vehicle might assault me with his Jeep Wrangler. Nonetheless, I was able to stealthily capture this candid photo. And hopefully (according to his message to the world) we won't have to deal with this person much longer. Extra points for the chain license plate holder. This one is going into the Hall-of-Shame.

LMAO

Ah I love the smell of vanity in the morning!

Okay. I am going to file this one under: mildly witty IMHO. Hopefully in Virginia they require you to have plates in the front and the back of the vehicle. Still, you get points for creativity and relevant acronyms. The reader(s) of this site (one!! as far as I can tell. HELLO READER!) will soon realize that not everyone out there has the wit of this fellow driver from Virginia. More plates coming daily.

I hope they are talking about cats.

Our first plate comes from the great state of California. Where they love.... well.... you get the idea. This one is dedicated to all the crazy cat ladies out there. We here at Horrible License Plates salute you!

It's Purrrrfect.

.... Okay, I'll stop.

Welcome

Welcome.

You have to hand it to the creative (and efficient!) people out there who own vanity plates. Your breed of human will always fascinate me. Thank you for placing your poorly abbreviated words and phrases on your own car, for all the world to see. You bring me, and hopefully the readers of this website much joy.

Stupid license plates coming soon. If you have some stupid license plates you would like to submit, please email horriblelicenseplates[at]gmail[dot]com