Tooting Our Own Horn

Ah New Year's Eve... A time for useless lists about the previous year. Instead of re-posting a top ten of the year I am going to display links to our personal favorites in the sidebar over on the right somewhere, "Best Of The Best: Creepy On Wheels." I hope you like it.And, yes, I did design that impressive arrow graphic myself (I am very Internet savvy). It also points you to the sidebar, where you will find our Facebook group. Please join and spread the plate-rage. We will love you forever.
Thanks everyone for a great year!

Or I Will Put You In The Naughty Chair

Happy New Year's Eve everyone! Here is a plate with a good recommendation for tonight's festivities. Except, after you read this story from LadyStyx, you find out that this driver does not, in fact, "play nice"

LOL. I wish I could have gotten the bumper sticker in there too. It said, "I Bet You'll Vote Next Time, Hippie." This one was definitely not a fan of President Bush as his pic was next to the words on the bumper sticker and the other sticker on the car said, "I Don't Have to Like Bush To Love My Country." In any case, love the prez or not, we all need to play nice.

I totally agree, LadyStyx. What would motivate someone to get a plate like that and then put two nasty bumper stickers near it? And would have it been so hard to put a "Y" where that blank space is?

I Love It When You Call Me Big Mama

Here is a lovely email we received from Shea:

My husband caught this as he was driving. Since I now try to keep my trusty camera with me at all times, I grabbed a quick pic of it. First I was thinking why would anyone advertise their size like that, and then I saw the Where's Bubba? on the plate. So many thoughts ran through my mind. Did she sit on him?

Ha! Do any of you know where Bubba is?

Did It Hurt... ?

... When you fell from heaven?

I am assuming HEVNSNT means "Heaven Sent," but if you stare at this one a little longer other things start to come to mind. The first I thought of was "Heave and Snot" and then "Heaven's Nut." Another perfect example of why vanity plate word shortening usually is a bad idea.

This plate came to us courtesy of Poetry Sue in Nevada. I liked her email:

Here ya go! I hate plates like this... it might as well say God's Gift to the world... so snooty.

I think a lot of us agree with you Sue. Great work!

You've got to pray just to make it today

Jen H. sent us this picture for Lovin' the Lord Sunday. This plate is just odd to me, because I can't seem to put it into context. Is it:

-An exclamation? Oh pray!

-Maya Angelou fan? Oh pray my wings are going to fit me well.

-You just realized something that was difficult to understand and now you have the answer? Oooooh... pray.

-That's how we say opera? Man, them people sure sing funny at the oh-pray.

Any other ideas?

Would You Like Some Sheesh With That Whine?

Marisa M. wrote this most humorous email to us:

I was in Colorado Springs recently on business, toodling down the highway in my rental car lost as usual when this green car revved past me and cut me off. Guess I wasn't going fast enough for him. When I saw the plate, I went from pissed to laughing, since it seemed custom made just for that moment--SHEEESH you tourist drivers are so damn slow!

Vanity plates are not a free ticket jerk-land people!

Your Honor, She Asked For It

BMPRCAR = Bumper Car. The plate rage inside of me just wants to scream: Why, yes, I can slam my car into yours. Nothing like whiplash and a lawsuit to complete your lovely vanity plate message. What kind of annoys me more though is the Darwin Fish Cat. What does that even mean?

Our thanks goes to Katlin for sending this one in.

More of my slightly edited poetry

'Twas the night before Christmas, when all through the house
Not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse;
The vanity plates were hung on the Hummer with care,
In hopes relief for my narcissism would soon be there.
The children were nestled all snug in their beds,
While visions of sugar-plums danced in their heads

With the Ms. in her kerchief and the Mr. in his cap,
We're going to settle down, for a long Christmas nap.

Happy Christmas to all; And to all a vanity free night!

We hope everyone has a Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays!

With love,

Mr. and Ms. HLP

Oh, and if you are curious, more crappy poetry here.

SANTA?! I KNOW HIM!!

Stephanie F. wrote to me a few weeks ago: I took this picture outside of a store that was having pictures with Santa. I guess the sleigh needed an upgrade!

I thought Santa drove a big red sleigh, not an Oldsmobile Cutlass? And why does he have Virginia plates? Oh well, at least there won't be any reindeer pooping on my roof this Christmas if Santa arrives in his sedan. Ho, ho, ho.

Reminds me of one of my favorite scenes from the best Christmas movie ever, Elf:

Buddy: Who the heck are you?
Gimbel's Santa: What are you talkin' about? I'm Santa Claus.
Buddy: No, you're not.
Gimbel's Santa: Uh, why of course I am! Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho.
Buddy: Well, if you're Santa, what song did I sing for you on your birthday this year?
Gimbel's Santa: Um, Happy Birthday of course. Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. How old are you son?
Kid with Santa: Four.
Gimbel's Santa: You're a big boy. What's your name?
Kid with Santa: Paul.
Gimbel's Santa: Now what can I get you for Christmas?
Buddy: Don't tell him what you want, he's a liar.
Gimbel's Santa: Let the kid talk.
Buddy: You disgust me! How can you live with yourself?
Gimbel's Santa: Just cool it, Zippy.
Buddy: You sit on a throne of lies.
Gimbel's Santa: Look, I'm not kiddin'.
Buddy: You're a fake.
Gimbel's Santa: I'm a fake?
Buddy: Yes!
Gimbel's Santa: How'd you like to be dead, huh? Ho, ho, just kidding.
Buddy: You stink.
Gimbel's Santa: I think you're gonna have a good Christmas, all right.
Buddy: You smell like beef and cheese, you don't smell like Santa.

Brrr, It's Cold In Here; There Must Be Vanity In The At-mos-phere

Yes, it's freezing cold. According to the weather channel it feels like a brisk -31°F (-35°C) here as I type this. But wait, is this driver cold, or do they want you to know how their engine sounds when they are passing you on the right going 85 in a 55? Maybe this is their summer car?

I'm not sure what this driver was going for, what do you think?

Thanks for the photo, Amanda R.

Sorry About Your Inferiority Complex...

Thanks, Captain Obvious. I didn't know if you were driving a Hummer or not, so I had to look to your vanity plate to clarify. If there is anything that is more annoying than a Hummer (Hi! I like to waste gas and run over children), it's a Hummer with a vanity plate. Thanks to LadyStyx (official member of the platerazzi) for sending this one our way. I'm almost positive this won't be our last Hummer plate.

Do you know what the Urban Dictionary says about hummers? Errr never mind...

I know the blogosphere seems to be taking a break from writing over the holidays, but we are mental here at VP:CI8COL, so we are going to keep posting daily. Check back with us, because we have some good stuff coming up!

J35U5

When I first started this, I didn't know how long I could keep doing a Lovin' the Lord Sunday feature. I thought surely it would last a few weeks and then I would have to move on, but holy, holy, look who's 9 weeks into this thing!

H3 L1V3S. We can't be exactly sure who H3 is, but I have an idea. This whole expression of religion on vanity plates strikes me as odd. Number one, because this is a VANITY plate, and number two, because most states have a rule about this: Under DMV plate regulations, the agency bans mention of "race, religion, color, deity, ethnic heritage, gender, sexual orientation, disability status or political affiliation ... ." But the faithful readers of this website know that this is horse poop. People get away with just about anything on their license plates (much to our entertainment). Even the l33t Christians.

I always love what you guys come up with as alternatives to "him," so what are your thoughts on who "he" really is?