Sunday, November 30, 2008

The age old question: Submissive Woman or Lovin' the Lord?

What do you think? Submissive woman or Lovin' the Lord? And really, should you be bragging about this sort of thing? I am assuming HIM is Jesus, or your husband, but it could also be "the man", Dr. Oz, Ron Popeil, or Patrick Dempsey. Maybe it's the devil? WHO FN KNOWS.

Just another example of why vanity plates suck the big one. Thanks Heather B. for your wonderful contribution for Lovin' the Lord Sunday.

Saturday, November 29, 2008


Now that we've all mostly recovered from Black Friday, let's settle back, relax, and listen to a little Phish (not to be confused with FEEESH). Who is Phish, you ask? According to Wikipedia: Phish is an American jam band noted for their musical improvisation, extended jam sessions, and cult following. Or "granola rock" as I like to call it. Thanks for sending in this photo Amanda T.

I am just impressed that you managed to get something resembling a marijuana plant on your license plate. Does this picture seem a bit smokey to you? A little blurry? *cough, cough* Uh, what were we talking about? Who wants to get me some Cheetos?

Friday, November 28, 2008

Perhaps every parent needs one for their child before trips to the shopping mall

Here is another great example of why you should never abbreviate words on license plates OR use nicknames that you haven't done proper research on. Thanks to Arlynn for snapping this lovely photo.

The obvious interpretation here is "Lucky Lizard." My curious self typed this into Google to see what I could come up with, and lo and behold, I discovered this extremely bizarre item: Kids Lucky Lizard Pendant For Discipline Control. What is even more disturbing is the description of this item which I must share with you (poor grammar, random capitalization, double quotation marks, and all. The horror!):

Wow! The Lucky LIZARD Gemstone Carving as Pendant. This Pendant will be Perfect and Fun Accessory for your Child, and the Same time will Provide Natural Protective Qualities to your Loved One. This Pendant will Influence DISCIPLINE CONTROL Powers towards your Child, as TIGER EYE Stone is the Best Stone for this Purpose. A LIZARD is a Small Version of Dragon, which we all heard about from our Grandma tales. It is a Symbol of Long life, fertility and wisdom. For Centuries it was believed that Dragon Amulet will Protect from Evil Spirits. TIGER EYE NATURAL POWERS for KIDS A ""Grounding Stone"". Tiger's Eye contains the gentle grounding energy of Earth. This stone is good in helping to influence the children when you really need to get them to understand something. It enhances integrity, willpower, practicality and correct use of power. Tiger's Eye is excellent for grounding psychic energy and providing security for opening up the psychic centers. It helps Children to obtain goals by taking direct action and by knowing when to act or wait. Sometimes children get carried away and get lost in their dream world. Tiger Eye helps to pull them back into their bodies (after astral travel). Perhaps every parent needs one for their child before trips to the shopping mall.

I've ordered 10 already.

The second interpretation could be LK Y LZRD, which I see as "Lick Your Lizard." Bleh!

This vanity plate is wrong in so many ways. Do your reasearch people!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Gobble Gobble

Hey Internets,

We just wanted to drop in and say thank you on this day of Thanksgiving. We really cannot tell you how excited we are that you read this website. You comment. You subscribe. You share posts with your friends. We even have like 457 new friends in our facebook group and 983 followers. Okay, a little less than that, but we are so grateful for each and everyone of you, and all the morons who think vanity plates are a good idea. So this Thanksgiving we just want to tell you how awesome you are. KTHXBYE.

Now, let's go stuff our faces!

Mr. and Ms. HLP

Warning, Your Nickname Might Be Slang for "Crotch"

POOTIR: A kid that is full of gas and farts all the time - Urban Dictionary.

This is a stretch, but maybe you were going for the word "pooter?" I know that's what I saw when I first glanced at this plate. But isn't that a va-jay-jay? You know, your hoo-ha? Or is it Kentucky slang for a computer? Who knows!

You should probably do a little research the next time you apply for a vanity plate. Just sayin'.

Thanks Mark for your wonderful contribution to our blog. Now make it viral!

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Nothing a shot of vodka and a Xanax won't fix

Maybe you should hop on the HAPY BUS, IM SAD? I took this picture at the local Wal-Mart. There was a woman trying to pry a small screaming child out of his carseat from this vehicle. Plus, this wasn't a bus at all, it was a van. Nothing about this situation screamed happy.

Our good friends at Urban Dictionary define Happy Bus as:

People who are particularly drunk or wasted on drugs.
"Those people over there are definitely on the happy bus."

So that might explain things.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Permanent Menstrual Syndrome

There seem to be a lot of moody women on the road. Sometimes I see plates like this and I just want to pull these people over and shake them. Is that so wrong? Does anyone else just want to shake drivers with vanity plates? Hhhhhh! It might be PMS ma'am, but it's a really stupid idea for a vanity plate. IT'S PMS = Hey everyone, I'm a perpetual crazy woman!

Simone, the wonderful reader who sent in this photo, found this license plate in the parking lot of a Kleenex factory. How appropriate.

Monday, November 24, 2008

Would You Like a Popsicle?

Interesting choice in plates, PERV. This is completely disturbing. You managed to do creepiness in 4 characters, which I believe is the all time record. I would give you a high five, but I am afraid you might try and cop a feel. It wouldn't surprise me if this guy has the words "free candy" spray painted on the side of his car. Who wants to take a ride? Ladies?

And for the obligatory You Tube video: Herbert the Pervert from Family Guy singing "I Know What Boys Like" and a lengthy Tribute. Enjoy, paperboy!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

4th Time's a Charm

I was pretty sure most of the enthusiastic vanity plate religious types were into expensive SUVs, but here is hard proof that I am wrong. This Jaguar is sporting a plate that reads ILUVGOD. Credit for this photo goes to me. I felt like a member of the plate-arazzi trying to get this shot. We drove by this car 4 times. I am sure they weren't suspicious at all.

Would you like to be a member of the plate-arazzi? Send us your submissions for Loving the Lord Sunday and other vanity plates to horriblelicenseplates[at]gmail[dot]com

Thank ya.

Saturday, November 22, 2008

And then try something tastier


Really, I respect vegetarians. I wish I could eliminate meat from my diet. I don't wish, however, to be subjected to your vanity plate mind control. Thanks for the suggestion. I've tried my fair share of tofu, but think I am going to stick to my strict diet of Hawaiian Punch, donuts, and bacon for now.

This totally reminded me of my favorite song from the cartoon series Doug on Nickelodeon (circa 1993)-- The Beets "Killer Tofu."

Thanks goes to Heidi for pointing this one out.

Friday, November 21, 2008

I've seen some old drivers, but this is ridiculous

Uh, this vanity plate is actually quite scary.

I am glad the driver of this car has decided to share his charming personality with the world. You know, I usually enjoy the little things that work against or enhance a driver's vanity plate message (i.e. temporary plates for Mr. Slacker, Mr. I WORK's decal, Truck nuts for the "white horse", Ritzy Me's bumper sticker), but this decoration just adds to your unpleasantness. Maybe a more appropriate item would be a strategically placed bumper sticker to the right of this plate that says "(IN THE TRUNK)."

Thanks for sending this one in Annalee-- creepiness indeed!

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Oh I Wish...

LTL LINK = Little Link

There is nothing like cruising down the highway next to a giant wiener. I found myself in that wonderful situation a couple weekends ago. Needless to say, it was very inspiring. So, I present to you the Ode to the Oscar Mayer Wienermobile! Yes, it's a giant hotdog on wheels. For those of you who are confused, here is a photo of the whole wienermobile:

So after a little research I found quite a few vanity plates on this thing. Also I discovered that if you love hot dogs enough you can take the Hotdogger Oath and get paid to drive one of these babies around. Let's all sing together:

Oh, I wish I were an Oscar Mayer wiener. That is what I truly want to be. 'Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener, everyone would be in love with me.

Oh, I'm glad I'm not an Oscar Mayer wiener. That is what I'd never want to be. Cause if I were an Oscar Mayer wiener. There would soon be nothing left of me!

My bologna has a first name, it's O-S-C-A-R
My bologna has a second name, it's M-A-Y-E-R
Oh, I love to eat it every day, and if you ask me why, I'll say,
"'Cause Oscar Mayer has a way with B-O-L-O-G-N-A."

From wikipedia: A "Wienermobile" is an automobile shaped like a hot dog on a bun that is used to promote and advertise Oscar Mayer products. It was created in 1936 by Oscar's nephew, Carl G. Mayer, and variants are still used by Oscar Mayer today.

Also from wikipedia: Drivers of the Wienermobiles are known as Hotdoggers and often hand out toy whistles shaped as replicas of the Wienermobile, known as Wienerwhistles.

This thing is great. It has seating for six - in mustard and ketchup colored seats, a mustard-splattered walkway, and a removable bun roof!

Whew, I don't know about you, but I'm hungry. Who wants to bring me a hotdog?

(I will leave all the wiener and bun jokes to the commenters).

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Maybe she's made of crackers?

Interpretation: RTZY ME = Ritzy me

Becky, I certainly do agree; Nothing says arrogant snob more than "ritzy me." I guess there is a reason they call them vanity plates. I was tempted to crop this photo to get a better shot of the plate, but I think the big picture here is important. Please use caution when rolling your eyes while driving.

Believe it or not, narcissism is a personality disorder, not a cheeky phrase to paste all over your car. File under: COMPLETELY ANNOYING!

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Number One Stunna

Interpretation: PB4WEGO = Pee Before We Go

Nebraska! You finally make your debut (and what a debut that is, I might add). Do your children have bladder control issues? Maybe you have a case of T.W.B.S. (Teeny Weeny Bladder Syndrome) and need a little reminder. Whatever your issue is I just have to say: I'm sorry. I just don't want to have a visual of your van's wizz quandary while passing you on the freeway. It just gives me the willies. You'll be forever known to us as the piss van. I'm sure you are tinkling with pride.

Congratulations piss van! You did creepiness in 7 characters or less.

I am guessing they are trying to prevent this from happening. Thanks goes to Anna K. for sending this photo in. Wee love ya!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Mr. Personality, You're So Ugly

Interpretation: IM2BZ4U = I'm too busy for you

The wonderful readers of this blog do some really stunning work. I love opening my inbox to find treasures like this one. IM2BZ4U comes from Shannon. She writes:

This picture was taken at a Wal-Mart parking lot in PA, obviously this person was not too busy to think of this [loser] license plate or to go to Wal-Mart. I can only hope this person is too busy to have children, it's important to keep the [loser] gene contained.

It's good to see I've fueled some other people's plate rage fires. I am just so proud. *tear

Most people would consider this a bad personality trait, so why would you put this on your car for the world to see? I know, because you don't need anymore friends.

Sunday, November 16, 2008


So to answer last week's question: What would Jesus drive? We have finally found the answer: A black Cadillac Escalade (of course!). Our friend Julie writes:

Mr. & Ms. HLP,

About two summers ago I found JESUS!

Literally, in the parking garage of a mall. He drives a brand-new black Escalade apparently. It's not as funny as some of the other vanity plates out there, but Rhode Islanders take their plates very seriously, so this dude must have had some BIG connections in HIGH places to get his choice through. I guess it's all about who you know!

Thanks Julie. This plate is a great addition to Loving the Lord Sunday.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

I hope you have a big trunk, 'cause I'm putting my bike in it

I had some wheelchair envy once. I broke my foot in 11th grade in the middle of an ice storm. Try doing crutches on a frozen parking lot hopped up on pain killers. It's amazing I am still alive.

Friday, November 14, 2008

Lesson 1: Why You Should Never Shorten Words

This could mean one of two things:

ONE: Hot Ember

This is totally a reasonable explanation. I think this is a fire safety plate too, so that makes sense. Still, this is a pointless, mind-numbing addition to the pile of plates over here at VP:CI8COL.

TWO: Hot Member

Can you see why this was probably a bad choice? The Urban Dictionary defines a hot “member" as:

the male organ used for poping mamas, or women with great hotential, also refurred to as a bonosaursus (sic)

BWHAHAHAH! Do you have great hotential?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

And Winter Hell

Nothing screams practical more than a convertible in the state of Wisconsin. The only thing that could make this picture better would be accumulating snow. You might be able to squeeze 8 weeks of FN out of this car, if you are lucky. Crank the heat man, I want to put the top down!

Also, a little advice to those who think that FN is a good way to imply the word "fun" on your vanity plate. Say it with me slowly now, "Efff... eehnn. Ehffff... eehhnnn." I think you get where I am going with this.

Photo credit goes to Mr. HLP.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

This is Some Heavy Stuff

You need to be careful MS. PB FT. PB can mean a number of things. At first glance, I though you might have some sort of peanut butter foot fetish and imagined two slices of white bread sandwiching your foot. And then I puked a little in my mouth.

I soon realized what you really mean though. For those of you still wondering, Pb is the 82nd element on the Periodic Table: Lead. So to translate, MS PB FT reads, "Ms. Lead Foot." You could also interpret this as, "Hey, Mr. Policeman! Pull me over!"

Thanks to Courtney E. for sending this one in.

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Girl, save the drama for your momma

I promised more terrible plates today, so here we go. IMDRAMA. Err... why the hell would you advertise a trait like this? Maybe you know Ms. PMS 24-7? For the critics, I know this could possibly mean that this driver is into theater, sure. But I think the majority of us are thinking this person doesn't take personal criticism well. I can only hope they are taking this post on their horrible plate well, but I doubt it.

Hmm, I wonder how can I repel members of the opposite sex away from me? Oh right, this vanity plate will do.

Thanks goes to Amanda, whose bus broke down and had to walk by this obnoxious plate on the way to work.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Out of My Lane... Or I Will Nom You to Death

I'm sorry. I am going to do this to you again. I just can't fight the power that is cuteness. Meh, I am a weak. What is NOM NOM, you ask? Well according to Urban Dictionary, (which I've had to bookmark since starting this site) it means:

(1) Represents the sound made when someone is eating or chewing something and really enjoying it. "Hey, are you eating my brownies?" "Nom nom nom."
(2) to eat with extreme delight

If you are still confused, there are some very cute kittehs showing off their nom nom talent here, and here.

I do, however, love this plate. I know, right? I love a vanity plate! Hell must have froze over. Thanks goes to Squidrox and her kitteh, Nom, for sending in today's plate. Horrible license plates resume tomorrow.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

What Would Jesus Drive?

Interpretation: WELUV JC = We love Jesus Christ?

It's another post for Loving the Lord Sunday! Thank you, sara, for sending me a plethora of plates last week, including this one. We appreciate your enthusiasm.

I wonder, though. How many people mistake JC for something else in this case? Maybe the driver of this car is an N*SYNC fan (JC Chasez!!)? Joan Crawford enthusiast (ha)? What else do you think JC could stand for?

Saturday, November 8, 2008

It's Surprisingly Clean

Interpretation: PRB THS = Probe This

Man, I love reader emails. You guys are really fantastic. This little piece of greatness comes from Matt S. I believe this is our first from Missouri. He writes:

In college one of my roommates (and still a good friend) had a Ford Probe that he loved. His creative vanity plates are attached. I actually thought it was pretty clever. I snagged the picture from the Internet Archive (Wayback Machine). The picture is several years old, and he no longer owns that car. Hopefully, you'll feature it...

Your wish is my command. This one is very punny. It also reminds me of this scene from The Office:

Michael: First guy says, "Well, I'm an astronaut, so I drive a Saturn." And the second guy says, "Well, I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap Escort." And the third guy says, "I gotcha both beat, I'm a proctologist, so I drive a brown Probe."
Christian: Ohhh no! [laughs] Oh my God, that's funny! I almost had Awesome Blossom coming out of my nose!

Friday, November 7, 2008

Get me to the nearest Hagen-Daz, STAT

What on this good earth makes this an attractive plate to get!? What is it? The migraine headaches? The cramps? The bloating? The unnatural craving to pour chocolate syrup in your orange juice? The urge cry during Kodak commercials (this one always gets me)? Sounds great. Sign me up.

Really, it's quite a clever plate. You instill fear in the hearts of all drivers you pass, and I know I would be scared to cut you off in traffic. Particularly, because I am fearful that you keep a supply of large rocks in your van, so you can hurl them at what you think are bad drivers. Thanks to dizzblnd for sending this one in (photographer unknown).

Thursday, November 6, 2008

I don't know how you guys walk around with those things

Cover the eyes of your children, we have another moron on the road. Nards, nuts, happy sac, balls, family jewels, the twins, huevos, whatever you call them, you should never, ever, put this term on your license plate. Why? Because you have a mother somewhere, that's why! Plus, looking up synonyms for balls isn't my idea of a productive Thursday morning, thankyouverymuch.

Christina from Nebraska took this picture while vacationing in California. I like the glossy reflection of the word NARDS in this one, very artsy. We can all learn a thing or two about taking good license plate photos from this picture. Thanks Christina!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Now Running on Natural Gas

Wanted: One sidekick. No olfactory bulbs... preferable.

Montana, Montana, Montana. Look what you bring me! The FARTMAN! Does it get much better than this?

This photo exploded into my inbox courtesy of someone named Chrome Toaster. The email goes a little like this:

although the "on the fly" picture on the camera phone doesn't capture the "MONTANA" on the plate, Fartman's chevy pickup was parked outside of the local gas station/convenience store/casino on Labor Day.

My research confirms my suspicion that Howard Stern did, in fact, do a character called Fartman back in the day. According to wikipedia, "Fartman generally attacks evil using his super powered flatulence." So for the 10 year-old boy in everyone of us, I give this the stamp of approval.

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

I would not put this on a car, I would not put this on a truck

I was feeling a bit poetic this morning. Enjoy.

One feeesh, two feeesh, red feeesh, blue feeesh.
Black feeesh, blue feeesh, old feeesh, new feeesh.
This one has some feeeshin’ bait.
And this one has a vanity plate.

Say! What a lot of vanity plates there are!
Some are red, and some are blue.
Some are old and some are new.
Some are sad, and some are glad,
And some are very, very bad.
Why are they sad and glad and bad?
I do not know, go ask your dad.

(Who probably drives this vehicle). Photo by Sara. Thanks!

Monday, November 3, 2008

Yo Obama Bama

We are fair and balanced here at VP:CI8COL. So to balance out the jerk from last week I am posting this plate from the lovely Jayne. She writes:

This was taken in NY in a drugstore parking lot around midnight. I actually walked up to the girl in the passenger seat and asked if I could take a pic with my phone so she wouldn't panic and call 911 about some crazy girl approaching the vehicle. Do you feel the love? I hope so. I don't do that kind of thing every day.

I certainly do feel the love, Jayne.

Anyway, I know it shows political support, but it took me a second to put it all together. As I read it aloud, it sounded a lot like an annoying character my 3 year old nephew watches on the Nick Jr. channel . Yo Gabba Gabba.

So I decided to check out this Yo Gabba Gabba on You Tube, you know, so I could be hip with the 3 year olds. All I have to say is this is a one minute and eighteen second acid trip of a wonderful kind. This song will be stuck in my head all day, which was better than the previous "You're a womanizer, ooooh." My favorite part of the video is the sloshing stomach full of vegetables partying. Nothing screams awesome like a gastric vegetable party (which is probably better than a Republican party, oh snap!).

Get out there, be heard, and vote.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

One Monthaversary

We started this website one month ago with a handful of photos of some stupid license plates slowly burning a hole in our sanity. Little did we know that plate-rage is a common feeling amongst our readers, and soon, plates were overloading our inbox.

I would just like to take this moment, on our One Monthaversary, to thank everyone who has contributed to this blog in any way. We really love each and every one of you. Thanks for reading, contributing, commenting, subscribing, linking, and just being awesome. I have met so many cool people through their blogs and I can't wait for the months to come. We have some surprises in store for the near future so keep reading and sharing our blog.

I think this is the part of this post where we get bottles of champagne and spray them at each other.

Mr. and Ms. HorribleLicensePlates

Or I Will Run Thou Over

Hallelujah! Another glorious Sunday plate. It comes to us courtesy of Smoochiefrog. She thinks it's from New Jersey, so they get the points today on this one. I am getting a lot of religious plates sent in so I might just have to do this every Sunday. She writes:

I'm not sure if we have a really submissive woman here or a very devout church goer. Either way, it frightened me.

It kind of scares me too. File this under: Loving the Lord.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

I Wish I Was Your Derivative, Because Then I Would Be Tangent to Your Curves

This is what you came up with when faced with the decision to be judged on an everyday basis? PI R SQ? And for those of you who need it - Interpretation: Pi R squared (formula for the area of a circle). You give a whole new meaning to "driving around in circles." HAR HAR.

Awesome choice. Now we are going to beat you up and take your lunch money.

Sent in by the lovely Sue. Fine, fine work, my friend!